Last Saturday, I took a walk. Along the way, God used these small things to remind me of His goodness and greatness.
As always, during the blooming season, I was drawn to the wild roses. To this blossom. While I saw the gorgeous pink and the white star that seemed to shine from the middle, it was the “sun-burst” that shone into my spirit and felt like encouragement from Heaven itself.
Oh, the loveliness!
As I walked, I was drawn to more small beauties doing their best to do what flowers do despite the hard, dry ground that needed life-giving rain.
Biting flies tried to distract me. Their bloodthirst threatened to drive me into the house, but I said, “No.” Out loud. It did nothing to decrease their efforts, but it increased my determination because I knew I was on the cusp of a gentle lesson, or perhaps I should say a gentle reminder.
Of who God is. His greatness. His significance as King, Creator, Savior, and Comforter of Souls. The truth that He is the God who sees, hears, and most of all, who loves.
These tiny things on this small piece of Earth Jon and I call home brought to mind the vastness of God, and His Creation as often happens out there. Of the stars, the sun, the galaxies. And the tiniest of blossoms.
Walking, pausing, standing, and pondering worship refreshed my spirit the way the breeze cooled my sun-warmed cheeks.
When a coneflower in the distance danced to the tune of the wind, I wondered to Him, “Did that delight You too, Father?” I can’t say for sure, but maybe.
Continuing along the way with Him, I remembered He created me too and that while in His gigantic universe, I’m tiny – I am wonderfully so because of Him.
For a second, I thought that was the gentle lesson – the reminder supported by a verse I know so well. But there was a familiar nudge, and here it is for all of us to ponder.
Standing at the edge of one of the wildflower fields, I told God a truth about me He already knew. I wanted to tell Him and at the same time didn’t want to. You know?
They were so hard to admit. But it was time.
I whispered to the God who knows, hears, and loves me anyway, “Lord, I know that even with cancer, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
My confession didn’t shake Heaven, but it shook me.
Even now, I write them, tears flow.
Because it’s hard and sad BUT ALSO (please don’t miss this – it’s the biggest part of this whole struggle!) because of the wonder of it all. He is God, and He is greater than great. He is the greatest. He is all-knowing. He knit us together in our mother’s wombs. He knows every molecule in everybody.
I BELIEVE this about Him and so much more.
Now for the question and the confession . . .
Am I thankful for cancer? Not yet. Maybe He’s moving me in that direction but right now? So far, I’ve made it to being thankful in the midst of the disease.
Perhaps one day, God will get me to that for place, and maybe I will discover a new kind of freedom I’ve never known. Right now, I’m a hesitant ponderer grappling with the kind of gratitude that, while a choice on my part, takes courage only God can provide.
Like most of us who believe, I’m one of His children drawing closer to Him step by sometimes small step.
And trusting Him to use the smallest of things to teach me the biggest of things.
Until Next Time,